hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
time to smoke my breakfast
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
