I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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