so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
