I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you never un-have a 4some
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
