i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
