My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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