my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
