why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
