it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
