I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
