6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
