i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
