Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
