I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
