Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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