Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
