If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
