4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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