Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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