you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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