the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
