I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
