Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My breasts were aching with rage.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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