Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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