After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
