He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
