my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
