Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
