Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
