Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
And then he peed in my hair
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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