my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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