EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
