I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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