new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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