It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
