I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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