It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This house was built for laser tag.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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