Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
