You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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