never play flip cup with pint glasses
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
