In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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