I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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