Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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