and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
