so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
