you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
