Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i out mim tonsoeep
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