i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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