No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
