no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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