Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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