Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
