i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
