Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
